I've spent the last three weeks feeling pretty much every emotion a human being can feel. Anger, heartache, disbelief, sorrow, being utterly stunned, terror, fury, sadness, despair, uncertainty, betrayal, abandoned, depression. And those are just the ones which I can immediately and readily identify.
Conversely, I have also felt intense gratitude, relief, joy, elation, and finally, joy once again.
The bad sure seems to outweigh the good here. But, I'm learning to see the good in things, in situations, and in people again.
For whatever reason, I haven't been able to blog about what happened 22 days ago. Maybe it would make it too real and would send me careening back into all those earlier emotions again. I did write down what happened so I'd have a vivid record, but I put it within the confines of another internet forum where I feel safe.
Twenty two days ago, our house was struck by lightning. It caught on fire. Our belongings were mostly spared, excusing my washer and dryer. However, we had to vacate the place we called home for the past 19 months and will have to move to another house. It's been extraordinarily difficult at times to try and see anything positive or good from your house catching fire. You ask yourself "WHY?!" a half-million times and still don't have a good answer. I may never get an answer this side of heaven as to why my world got rocked so violently that afternoon. All I know is that every cloud (even the ones with lightning inside!) has a silver lining.
The past three weeks have allowed me to take inventory of the things and people who matter most to me and my family. Various people have helped in ways I never could have imagined. And that has led to the healing, and eventually, normalcy that I'm beginning to feel. I don't want to name names for fear I'll leave someone out. I just want you to know that I'm immensely thankful for things that have happened, both tangible and intangible.
I'm starting to feel like myself again, and it feels nice.