"God's plan or not, it still hurts."
I am simply amazed at how my God works. Most of you readers will wholeheartedly agree. It's what we're "trained" to believe. Well, I say trained but I guess I really mean taught or led. Bear with me here, I promise I have a point but it may take me a while to get there.
Most of you know of our fire from this past June. Some of you are more closely acquainted with the utter anger and bitterness and heartache I've experienced over the past couple of weeks because of it. A dear friend told me that it may all be hitting me now because I was so busy over the summer; traveling here and there, moving in, getting settled in a new house, starting school, surgery on King Tot (yes, that's his new moniker) and just finding out how our new routine works. A couple weeks ago, what I thought was a raging case of PMS just didn't go away. I poured out my heart and my hurt to some very special women. They supported me in ways I didn't know existed and even doled out a little tough love. They know what to say and when to say it.
One of these sweet women said something so utterly profound today that it just made me stop and let out a gasp, which left my mouth just hanging open for a moment. She said the words that are the first line of this post. When she said it, she was referring to another mutual friend's Facebook post about a camp counselor from her youth. The former counselor is now a Presbyterian minister. The mutual friend told us of how the pastor, Adam, and his wife, Sarah had suffered what was thought to be a miscarriage of their twin boys. As it turned out, they were born very, very prematurely and passed on after about an hour with their family. I can't even fathom the utter heartbreak they are feeling this day. Now, here's what made this all so amazing to me: my friend, who said the profound words, does not subscribe to my own belief system. She does not classify herself as a Christian. Yet, she said those words and it just rocked me inside. You see, God had that fire back in June in my life plan. And you know what? It hurt. Not physically, because we ran away into the rain as fast as our feet would carry us. It hurt because it was totally unexpected and came from out of left field, so to speak. It hurt because there were people I thought I could count on who turned out to be completely useless. It hurt because only a handful of people who are in close proximity bothered to lift a finger. (Now don't hear me wrong, I am exceedingly grateful to those who did help, especially to a certain two who went above and beyond. You know who you are.) It hurt when we found out we had no place to lay our head and the very people I thought I could count on were nowhere to be found. God's plan or not, it still hurts. Just...wow.
The pain Adam and Sarah are feeling this day is very different from my own. They lost their sweet boys. I lost my sense of security, my sense of faith in family, my routine and a myriad of other things. God's plan or not, it still hurts. It may continue to hurt for a while yet, but I know that the ultimate physician not only heals bodies from sickness but can also heal hearts that are broken. Eventually, I'll not be wound up quite so tight when severe thunderstorms hit. Eventually, I may work up the courage to speak to those who made me feel like I had just been temporarily inconvenienced instead of completely uprooted. Eventually, Adam and Sarah will stop crying and let God heal their broken hearts, firm in the knowledge that they'll see their precious boys again one day. I'm sure they have a good, solid support network and they'll never know that a 35 year old mom in Alabama is praying for their broken hearts and for comfort and peace that surpasses all understanding.
I am amazed that God uses everyone to help us overcome obstacles and hurdles. The words of my friend today helped me to lay some things out on the table and to get them off my chest, so to speak. Today, God used a non-believer to help draw me closer to Him. I am thankful for her and for the group of women we both know and love.